how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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