it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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