dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
