WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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