hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
