Small penises have feelings too.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize