I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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