I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
