he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
