I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
