i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
