Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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