98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize