I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
