Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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