this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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