I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize