...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
