god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
