Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
