So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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