Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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