Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
