I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
