Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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