we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
