I hate your face
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
