it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize