dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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