So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
