he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
