I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
