it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
