me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
