Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
