shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
