the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
