I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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