Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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