Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
