i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
