I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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