FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just cut my nipple shaving
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize