i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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