Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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