i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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