some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
