you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
