Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize