This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
