I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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