Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
