how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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