Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
