this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
