you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
