There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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