There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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