Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
