But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
