Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize