He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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