i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
