I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
