she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
