I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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