Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
