guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
