like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
