did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
