mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
