just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
