if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize