How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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