I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
