All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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