U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
