In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
