You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
