You work out of a Hotel?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
