You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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