I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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