You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
