I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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