Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
