I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
