There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
