More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
