I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
