...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We're too hungover to prance.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
