Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
