i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
