I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
