I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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