Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
