I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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