So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
