If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
