On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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