do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
