i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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