Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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