Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the day after is always just damage control
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
